Hercules: The B Movie

 "What do you get when you add Hercules and the '80s?...Lou Ferrigno!"

So Netflix doesn't have the Disney version of Hercules on instant (something about a Disney vault?) so I compromised. The 1983 version of Hercules is a cinematic masterpiece, which, you guessed it, won a Razzie for Worst New Star (Lou Ferrigno)! Not surprisingly, most everything in this movie is wrong--like I said in my very first post, I guess my dad wasn't the only one to mix up Greek/Roman stories with Moses. I don't know who was responsible for this film. And I really don't want to know.

So for starters, there was darkness and chaos. And out of this chaos came the elements: earth, wind, fire, air, you name it. Then there was Zeus, Hera, and Athena. There was slight mention  of the Titans, but not out of the context of Star Wars-like attire (I think the film makers were simply confused with costumes--one minute everyone is a space alien, the next they are dressed as Cleopatra and Mark Antony). At any rate, Hercules is born, and it is simply stated that he is mortal. There is no milk drinking, no separate Hercules half-twin. But the story goes on, and there is some argument over who will be king; Hercules, the prince, is almost killed, but the maid saves him by throwing him in a boat and pushing him down a river (the maid thing is somewhat based on the true myth, that the maid betrayed Hera). Yet again the confusion with Moses. Until Hera sends snakes to kill Hercules, in a way to "test his skill." We don't even get the feeling that Hera is slightly peeved at Zeus for fathering an illegitimate child. The only thing we see is Hercules shooting some gamma ray at the snakes and defeating them (Star Wars?).

Next we see Hercules growing up with his foster family: this much is true. However, Hercules' father is killed after a bear attack (Ursa Minor or Ursa Major), which has little to no real relevance to the actual myth. The story of ursa major: After Hera found out that Zeus cheated on her, she turned his lover into a bear. When the bear died it began living among the stars as the Big Dipper. As you see, there is no truth in this movie. Hurrah!

On to the Twelve Labors of Hercules--one would predict this as the plot for the movie. Wrong. You see the king give Hercules labors for reasons unknown (the true story being Hercules seeking forgiveness for his sins), and Hercules is ordered to clean the Augean stables (based on truth). In the process, he becomes enamoured with Cassiopeia, introducing the conflict of the story (when, in fact, Hercules had no relations with Cassiopeia at all). For some reason Cassiopeia is taken prisoner by King Minos. Probably because the real story goes that Cassiopeia is promised to someone else. That someone else not being King Minos, who intends to use her as  a sacrafice (hecatomb). Go figure.

The hydra

Daedalus comes in to play somewhere around here. I don't know why, as Daedalus has no connection with Hercules whatsoever. He was the artisan that built King Minos a labyrinth, and he was a very skilled craftsman (today when you hear someone say Daedalean, it means "complicated" or "convoluted"). For some reason this movie portrays him as a God. And for some other reason, he makes robot monsters that Hercules must defeat. Recall now that Hercules must go to the Underworld. Also recall that the Hydra, the nine-headed dragon, guards the entrance. But wait, the hydra was a robot?

There is also some confusion with Hercules and Odysseus. In this movie, Hercules lands on the island of Circe, the sorceress. She tricks him into going to the Underworld to find a Talisman. Neither of these stories is based on any myth. The only thing that comes close is Hercules' task to steal the girdle of the Amazon queen. Or stealing the Apples of Hesperides. Who knows what these filmmakers were thinking.

There was one scene about the Pillars of Hercules which was interesting. Anyways, Hercules saves Cassiopeia, and they live happily ever after. Even if you have the time to read this and for some reason want to see the movie, I advise you to please refer to the Disney version.

It's Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy!

This week's assignment was the presence of classical mythology in modern-day superheros. Since no one series is entirely based off of a single myth, I am going to bounce around from hero to hero. Guess I will start obvious and go obscure (yay deductive reasoning! or pure laziness)

Superman

His parallel to Hercules is a given; both heroes possess incredible strength and not to mention good looks. Hailing from the planet Krypton, Superman has no living family aside from his adoptive parents on Earth. Hercules has an equally strange upbringing. He is the son of Zeus and one of Zeus' many mistresses--Hera wanted nothing to do with him. Zeus was disappointed that his son was not immortal, so while Hera was sleeping he placed Hercules at her breast. After drinking her divine breast milk, Hercules became immortal. Just to settle a common misconception, Superman is not immortal. He was in fact killed in a 1993 issue. Probably noticing their grave mistake, the editors brought him back, ignoring his death. Nonetheless he died. Superman's well-known weakness is Kryptonite, an element from his own planet. This could be equated to Achilles' Heel (whoa whoa blog name!). In this way, Superman is probably a mix between Achilles and Hercules, as Hercules has no weakness aside from Hera's revenge and his more than numerous relations with women. Many women.

Superman has developed drastically since his inception in the 30s. Originally he was prone to cold-blooded violence, but a change in social attitude prompted the editors to change him into a virtuous idol. Concerning Superman's character Batman claims, "In many ways Clark is the most human of us all. Then he shoots fire from the skies, and it is difficult not to think of him as a god. And how fortunate are we all that it doesn't occur to him."

Wonder Woman           

 Wonder Woman is the feminine version of Superman. She has super strength, speed, agility, and power of flight (what a sex symbol!). Her character is an Amazon, reigning from group of warrior women (not to be confused with Minyans, a group of ugly women who killed all of their husbands). Funny enough, one of the Twelve Labors of Hercules was to capture the girdle of the Amazon queen Hippolyte (just another one of those Greek innuendos -ahem- I mean parallels) Fun fact: Wonder Woman is fluent in every language, yes even dog and alien. Aphrodite created her as the most powerful of Amazons and said to be superior to men.She is "beautiful as Aphrodite, wise as a Athena, swifter than Mercury, and stronger than Hercules." Damn.


Batman

 Now for the obscure. Frank Miller, a cartoonist artist, remarks that Batman is a "dionysian figure, a force for anarchy that imposes individual order." So let's evaluate. Dionysus was the god of harvest and worship, a general bringing joy through wine and ecstasy. He could communicate with the dead, and he practiced super-secret-eyes-wide-shut rites. His nature is that of androgyny, depicted womanly as well as manly and always sporting fox skin, representing rebirth. His main goal was to dispense of care and worry, in a way like Batman. Batman was also super secretive-ish. Dionysus is also referred to as the god of epiphany, or "the god that comes." Which reminds me of the Bat signal. Heh.

Dionysus was extremely attractive--people would stop and stare, stunned by his prince-like qualities. Where am I going with this? Well...let's be blunt here, what would you say is the relationship between Batman and Robin? Now consider Dionysus. Yes this is obscure, but in this way I like to think I have found a parallel.






On that note, many thanks to Adam West.




                                                                

Monsters and Demons and Gods, Oh My!

It proved challenging to pick a movie that had enough classical allusions such as what I chose, Pan's Labyrinth, but not too many (Percy Jackson, Clash of the Titans), especially since the assignment this week was focused on beasts and their function within modern-day story telling (it was also tempting to watch horror movies on Algonquin myths, ahem, Windigo). So I settled. And why not re-watch a movie I loved years ago?

Might as well start from the title--Pan's Labyrinth--which to the casual observer might conjure up memories of David Bowie. But let us not stray into the 80s. Pan was known to the Greeks as the son of Hermes, the messenger god. He was the god  of sheep and mountains, depicted with goat horns and legs. His niche in Greek God society was to play the pipe and bother travelers on their journeys. He must have succeeded because his name, Pan, is where we derive the word "Panic" today. Possibly due to the conch that he would blow when he was especially angry.

Pan's Labyrinth is set in the 1940s during the fascist regime in Spain. A young girl's mother marries a corrupted captain in the military and becomes subject to his sadistic tendencies. And so the girl creates a world to which she can escape the horrors of her new life. Her first discovery of Pan is when she wanders into a hole in a great tree. Insect-like fairies (I would say more akin to creepy cherubs) guide her to Pan, who arises under her feet in a clod of dirt. "I have so many names, names only the wind can pronounce, I...I am a faun, your most humble servant, and you Daughter of the King of the Underworld." This is where you go, wait, why would a child think of herself as princess of l'enfer? And who is this faun? Ah, where Greek mythology comes into play. Pan started out as an innocently mischievous god, but later in Pagan religions surrounding the 1940s, he is the clear bearer of hell, Satan himself. The faun tells the young girl, Ophelia, that her father is there to open the portals of her kingdom--but first, she must perform three great tasks to prove her immortality.What's more she has by the next full moon to complete her tasks. I smell an Odyssey!

She is Princess Minoa, the faun tells her, and she cannot return to her palace with circular gardens until she succeeds. Let's back track here...King Minos wanted to rule Crete. He asked the gods for a sign of approval, and Poseiden sent him a white bull. The bull was supposed to be a hecatombe (sacrafice) to Poseiden, but the bull was so magnificent that Minos couldn't help but fall in love with it. He kept the gift, and as punishment Aphrodite made Minos' wife fall in love with it. Here's where it gets weird--apparently his wife crafted a wooden cow and used it as a lure to mate with the bull (the Greeks were obsessed with this kind of stuff) and the result was the Minotaur, half-bull, half-man. King Minos felt a responsibility for him and decided to build him a circular labyrinth in which to dwell.

Now for the relevance to the story, this could be pure speculation but it is still rather interesting. At the end of the film, the faun asks Ophelia to sacrifice her newborn brother, the son of her mother and the captain. She refuses to do it. Sound familiar? The faun represents Poseidon in this scenario, Ophelia as King Minos who wants to rule, and her brother as the Minotaur. The captain is the bull, who the mother married for some unknown reason, and their child is half-bull half-human. Though this does not match up completely, as Minos was not supposed to sacrifice the Minotaur, it definitely plays a role in the story, adding to the overall fantasy of the film. Which is why del Turro is amazing!

 The first thought that ran through my mind halfway through the film, when Ophelia enters this dungeon-like Underworld complete with a feast and monster, was Tantalus!

Cannibalism and infanticide were frowned upon by the Greek Gods (surprising, eh?) And as an offering of sacrifice to the Gods, Tantalus cut his son Pelops into pieces and brewed him into a stew. Having heard of his plans, the Gods refused to touch their meals. However, Demeter didn't get the memo and proceeded to eat what was the shoulder of Pelops.When the Gods brought Pelops back to life they had to fasten him a shoulder of ivory. As a punishment for Tantalus' misdeeds, the Gods expelled him to the lowest part of the Underworld and forced him to stand in a pool of water with his mouth up to a grape branch that he could never reach. His name is where we get the word, "tantalize."

When Ophelia first enters the meal hall, the scene moves upward towards the ceiling; death scenes, those of young children being devoured by a beast, are depicted in huge murals. She looks down. A table is set for a feast, a skeletal creature with no eyes sits silently. Prior to entering the hall, the faun told Ophelia not to eat anything. Well, as many stories go, Ophelia eats a grape. A grape of all things! (now that's just making it obvious). The beast clenches his fingers tight, Ophelia chews, then swallows. He reaches for the plate on the table, raises two hands to his forehead, and reveals eyes that must not be his own. A fairy flies by his face and he swallows it in one mouthful. This creatures resemblance to Tantalus is uncanny--right down to the food he was forbidden to eat.

These allusions together, not even counting the ones I undoubtedly missed (mandrake root anyone?), form the film into a well of stories. The beasts of Ophelia's imagination are frightening to her, but even more frightening is the reality going on around her. We see the purpose of beasts, to distract fear from fear. Now fear aside, Pan's Labyrinth was just a joy to study.

Well I have pulled out as many allusions as I am able to at the moment. If you haven't seen the film, well I am not going to spoil the ending for you :)

The Girl Drama Behind the Trojan War--xoxo, Gossip Girl

Most people, like myself, probably have only a vague idea of the Trojan War, that some girl named Helen was kidnapped, that Odysseus made some great journey, and that Brad Pitt has a nice butt. But alas, the true cause of the war is deeper than that; as you should know, all Gods have egos.

Paris is probably the catalyst in everything, not necessarily the one responsible as the Gods have their clever way of working through thid parties to achieve what they want. It all started when Paris was born. It was divined that the son of Priam, King of Troy, would one day destroy Troy. As no King would want his magnificent oyster plundered, he gave his son to his servants and commanded them to kill him. Of course, knowing what we know, Paris lives--due to the servants' lack of cold-heartedness Paris is abandoned on the side of a mountain where a shepard finds him and raises him. Once Paris is grown he meets King Priam, who shows interst in his cattle for show at a fair, andeventually proves himself at the games (something akin to the Olympics). It is then that Priam welcomes Paris back into the family.

The story goes on with a deal between the Gods. Odysseus, Menelaus, and Agamemnon fight over Helen, some sort of gift from Zeus. The winner gets to take Helen as his bride. Odysseus wins but insists that Menelaus should have her and opts for Penelope. Helen is given to Menelaus and becomes his wife. It is then agreed that the Gods will defend their marriage and defeat anyone who tries to break the union. See, isn't this dramatic?

Sooo....more drama. Achilles is the focus of the Iliad--the story is that neither Agamemnon nor Menelaus wanted to marry Thetis because it is divined that the son of Thetis will usurp the power of his father (they really bank on divination). So Agamemnon and Menelaus set up the marriage between Peleus (a mortal) and Thetis. Achilles is born, though half-mortal. Thetis loves her son so much, however, that she wants to make him immortal. It is said that she tries throwing him in a fire, but the most commonly accepted story is that she dunks him in the River Stix, with her fist tightly wound over one of his ankles--thus that one spot of his body remains mortal. So that is Achilles.

The marriage of Thetis and Peleus is an important one. Zeus throws a huge party, and he purposely leaves out the Goddess of Strife, Eris. She goes apeshit and decides to crash the party! She brings an apple to the ball and proceeds to tell Zeus to give the apple to the prettiest girl at the party. Zeus is too chicken and gives the apple to Paris to decide (we are back to when Paris was in his late teens). Paris deliberates between several women, finally deciding on Aphrodite who promises to give him Helen if she is given the apple. Paris accepts. He takes Helen. Then the Trojan War!!!!

The Commencement! Book 1 of The Iliad

"Hey Dad, what do you know about Achilles?"
"That he is half mortal and that someone shot him in the foot."
"Anything else?"
"Oh yeah, didn't he float down a river in a basket or something?"
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And that, my friends, is the importance of studying mythology.